Day 14

First of all, wanna wish everyone " HAPPY HALLOWEEN"!!!and wanna wish my friend "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"!!:):)

Been busy for the past few days...staying in Uni until late night because of meeting and rehearsal of the Charity event which held on yesterday....It was really a success night!!!!More than 500 students of UTAR came for the event to support!!!UTAR students of Kampar campus....you guys really did a GREAT job and you guys really make everyone change their perceptions towards the attitude of Kampar students!!!THUMBS UP!!:D

Before this event, everyone in the committee including our DSA officer which in-charge of this event also feel nervous and scare because at the beginning the respond from the students are not very good....Besides that, we did not have much income and we only have a RM2-300 from the sponsorship....Everything need to be cut down from the cost and we also afraid that there will be a deficit after the event!!!THANk gOd that it's amazing that we really make it "GRAND" for the first time in UTAR Kampar Campus!!!!!!:):)

While everyone enjoying the event or food carnival in the cafeteria, the pity me gotta run from Block C to Block A and then Block A to Block C again...and also for few times...all ALONE running in the darkness...because there's also another activity which held in Block A,which i'm also one of the organizing committee!!!This is a Peer Helper (PHP) Gathering for all the PHP members of UTAR campus....It was also surprisingly SUCCESS even though there is not many members attended the gathering!!!But, the activities and the effects of the gathering is really good and everyone did enjoy the few hours of being together!!!:):)...Glad to see everyone enjoying and had fun in the activity that we had prepared earlier....It also touches my heart because everyone is so co-operative and fully involve themselves in the gathering!!!GOOD JOB,PHP members!!!^.^

The pity me need to take care of the 2 event and i wanna thanks to all the committee because they really friendly and i also glad to know more friends in UTAR!!:D:D Hrmm...although it is really tiring after everything ends, but i'm happy for all the success and the experience that i gain from this 2 event!!!!*thanks a lot*

Well, i still cannot control my emotion for the past 2 weeks....I still feel unstable and easily get EMO!!!!Of course, there's many reason behind all this....I really dunno when will everything ends???T.T...I'm really suffering....I know I gotta face it by myself....I know I gotta be strong....I know I gotta accept everything.....BUT, i really cannot control myself from being down all the time....><....Sometimes, it's really hurt to see things changed badly and i couldn't control it or even hold on.....I did my best....I tried.....but I still FAIL!!!!!!!T.T

I'm really being EVIL for this semester....I dun care about how others say about me....I dun care about other's opinion....I dun even care about those who wanna hurt me....I'm just staying in my own world....The lesser i will talk....the lesser i will explain....the lesser i will care....and also the lesser i will bother!!!!!I couldn't being so generous because i dun wanna always care about other's feeling and in the same time also hurting myself!!!!I'm being caring and good to my friends....but what is the reward?????There's NOTHING but BETRAYED!!!!i'm quiet and doesn't want to know more not because i dun care about the problem....is I feel hopeless being such a fool in front of them!!!!!DO NOT THINK THAT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING....I'm just dun wanna F**king CARE!!!!!DUN TRY TO TAKE THE ADVANTAGE ON ME!!!DUN MESS UP WITH ME!!!!YOU GOTTA PAY FOR IT LATER!!!!@.@

* if you think i'm just nobody for you....i'll accept it....i know i'm not good enough for you but i did tried my best in everything!!!!if you think i shouldn't care for you anymore, then just kick me off from your life!!!*

ps: i wanna go home now!!!T.T

ps : i can't stop missing you...

pss : i think i'm going crazy soon!!!><

"LOVE IS NOT ABOUT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON,BUT CREATING A RIGHT RELATIONSHIP..IT IS NOT ABOUT HOW MUCH LOVE YOU HAVE IN THE BEGINNING BUT HOW MUCH LOVE YOU BUILD TILL THE END"

Day 13

 FREAKING TIRED AND EMO!!!!!!

DON'T MESS WITH ME!!!!

I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE!!!!!!

Day 12

 Only 1 word : TIRED!!!!!

today is really tired and i can't really think of anything now....just want to go to bed and have a nice dream!!!tomorrow gotta stay in Uni again until late midnight....so i will be continue my post about what happened today and tomorrow in the post tomorrow....I need rest now,if not I'll not able to wake up in the morning for 8am class already!!!!So...it's all for now.....

GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!:):)

Day 11

It rather a short short one before i can go to bed....Just finished my "proposal" for FYP and back from lawrence's house!~


It's really a tiring day although class started on 12pm today but today got meeting in school until 10 something at night and i skipped my dinner again!!!:S:S HrrrmMmm..... really busy busy busy and lots of things to do because this friday got 2 event...Tomorrow gotta stay until 8pm for meeting and rehearsal AGAIN and this time i'm not sure whether when the meeting will end and what time i will be staying in UTAR~~~LOLx....


Raining non-stop for the whole day....and it's really make me feel so sick!!!~ my dizzy are back:S:S....and i dun feeling well again but i have no chance to take a rest or stop everything that i needed to do....and i tell myself that i got to tahan until fri after everything ends....!!!SO,GAMBATEH!!!:P:P


OH well....lastly....i'm just wanna say that i'm a little moody and emo after something happened.....guess it's nothing important for anyone but it just for myself...so i dun wanna write it out here!!!Finally, i gotta sleep now and tomorrow morning gotta go to school to pass up my proposal to my adviser!!!Nitess~~

ps : i miss you...
      and
      i'm sorry....

Day 10

Today not going to write much thing here because i'm extremely tired now!!!!Been busy busy busy for the whole day....went meeting and everything....><....Too many things waiting for me-.-"


It's really tiring busying for 2 activities because i need to help for both side....One side need to sell ticket to lecturer and also ask ppl to buy ticket to our Mooncake festival on Fri and the other side need to ask the PHP members to join our gathering on Fri as well...:S:S....ARghhhhh....how i wish everything is END now!!!!T.T


Tomorrow still got meeting and rehearsal for the performance during mooncake festival......then need to do some preparation fro the PHP gathering...and the most important thing is my FYP!!!!Gosshhhhh....seriously i havent even start anything and THURS i need to show my adviser already!!!!My topic...aikkkssss.....still in confuse mood...what shall i do???what can i do????what i need to do????I can't find information that i want and i can't access to the database....and i can't found any database for my topic....how am i going to show my picky adviser!!!a little regret now to choose her liao because i heard my other friends who get the other lecturer seems to be better than us....at least they no need to pass up any "proposal" or even no need to be rush for the topic because we actually can have the time period until week 4!!!Then why my adviser so "takut mati"????GRrrRRRR@.@


Nothing much already and i wanna go to bed now....Although tml 12pm class but i still need to wake up early to do my things!!!T.T....so,everyone....GOOD NIGHT!!!:):)

Day 9

Another Monday again and this is week 2 already...this means that class still have 5 weeks until FINALS again!!!This is really a short short semester and everything is in a rush and no time for other things....Next week we gonna have mid-term already and the following presentation and all will be up!!!ARGHhhh.....time is running out and everything havent be done YET!!!!T.T


This week i still got 2 activities in school which organized by Chinese Language Society and Peer Helping Program(PHP)....Ishhhh....plenty of works to do because i'm one of the committee for those 2 event....I still bluring until last few days only I realize these 2 activity will be held on the same day!!!The Blur me....makes me need to do EXTRA work and also rushing for everything before my "boss" screw me!!!:S:S....I know i'm just in to society too much.....and i think after this 2 activity i will be more focus and concentrate on my studies rather than school activities!!!!I gotta push up my CGPA before it's too late and if not Y3 i gonna work extreme hard to get a better result before graduate.....1 more year to graduation....I'm still not ready for everything...and sometimes i do miss the days i have the chance to continue my studies rather than working outside and see the reality world!!!!oh Well, we are all gonna grow up and face everything right??We can't escape from everything that might happen also....So....i will still choose to study hard NOW!!!:P:P


Today, suddenly dun feel good after the 1st English class....duNno why but something is not right in me....><"....maybe i dun have enough sleep or maybe i been sitting infront of the lappy for too long yesterday.....I'm seriously blur and sick in the class after the 1st break but i still able to tahan until 5pm.....After our class end, heavy rain again....and of course will kena lor.....this really makes me feel uncomfortable after i reach home....Come online awhile and went for a nap after that because i really feel cold and vomit....:(:(.....Now i'm still kinda blur and cannot do my work because I still feeling pain and headache....


Never ate anything since morning's breakfast....dun really feel like eating anything because dun have the appetite....><".....only drank a cup of hot milo just now but it doesn't help much because i still feel dizzy and cold!!!:S:S....Guess i should go to bed early today and leave my work until tomorrow already....If not, i gonna fall sick seriously and couldn't finish my FYP and activity report!!!Tomorrow till Fri will be VERY VERY busy and everyday will have MEETING!!!GOSshhhhh....i gonna SIAO already.....Can't take it liao!!!T.T


Actually, I'm just making myself more busy and busy so that i will not think of something unhappy.....Unfortunately, my mission FAIL!!!!T.T....The more i dun wanna think....the more i will think of it....Even will dream of it when i sleep!!!GrrrRRr.....what's wrong with me???:S:S...I just wanna concentrate and do my things....issit so HARD????!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~


and Now,all i think of is....I WANNA GO HOME!!!!!T.T....i wanna escape from this dead town....i wanna escape from all the STRESS.....ARGhhhhHHHhhhhhhh~~~~HELP HELP HELP!!!!I wanna go home but i dun know when only i have the time to go home!!!!T.T *sobsob*


Lastly, again....i know i'm pointless of mentioning so many times that  I REALLY MISS YOU!!!!!....Sorry for disturbing or being annoy but i just can't help myself from having these kind of feeling!!!!!!T.T......Seriously, i feel better after talking with you and you really give me motivation so that i can concentrate in doing my work....How i wish i can talk to you everyday and i know it's too over for it!!!!Well....i just wish if u got the time u can call me or talk to me....at least let me feel better from all these pressure.....If u really read my blog...i hope you will.....:(:(

TO be ConTiNuE...Nightsss~

All i want is just a warm hug from you and you will tell me not to worry about everything....*wishlist*

Day 8

It's Sunday again...woke up very early again and never really had a good sleep....><"


Been sitting infront of my lappy since morning till now except for lunch, dinner and meeting....so many work need to be done and i'm still rushing to finish it!!!T.T....i gonna vomit or jump in the lake already!!!!!!my eyes also very pain because facing the laptop too long yet my work are not done because i still lack of many information!!!*help*


Sigh...weekend is over and luckily i choose not to go back home...if not i will feel more guilty and regret.....at least now i am done with what is urgent and there's still lots of things to be done by this week!!!!I guess i got no chance to go home AGAIN this week....Friday have 2 event held in my Uni...i'm also one of the committee of both event:S:S....Busy sial~~~ so,sorry my dear Peng that i can't join u guys for the Haloween party already....I wanted to join u guys so much but i think i should better complete my task and duty and work before i can enjoy!!!:S:S


Nothing much happen today because i did not go anywhere except for lunch and dinner time!!!!got no time to do other things also lar of cuz!!!~AikssS......a little guilty because yesterday didn't do much and today last minute again....>


Finally,today i can't stop myself to take my phone and send him a sms!!!I dunno why....I just wanted to listen to his voice so badly so that i can focus on my work later on....and Yeah.....He did call me awhile and i feel better talking to him and finally can continue my work!!!:):)....BUT, in the other way, i also feel so upset because....I know he is so enjoying there without me!!!T.T....I can't control my tears again after talking to him....I just dun know why....in another way, he is back to his life again...but i'm still stuck here daydreaming.....I'm so useless right???Why can't  i just leave everything aside and move on????T.T....i wish i know the answer too!!!T.T...



Anyway, knowing he is still good there and i have nothing much to say about it also....I'm just nobody to control or stop him from doing anything he like....Or maybe what i can do is just care for him silently and.....support him here lor....that's what i can try my best to do!!!!!~~Well, i'm not forcing anything....just see how things will go again bah....~~~and you know i'm those type of people who will not give up until the end right???....So.....let's see how things go after this~~~~


It's 12 something already and tml 8am class again....I'm really tired enuff for today and my eyes getting painful after sitting infront of the laptop for so many hours!!!!My final year project topic..........finally i decide the topic and hopefully everything goes fine!!!:):)


Good night!!!

Day 7

Today is really a suffering day....woke up because had a bad dream last night and 6am in the morning!!!!couldn't sleep back after that....rolling on the bed....keep thinking of many things....keep reminds me of those unhappy things.....insomnia!!!!T.T


Been doing NOTHING for the whole afternoon....feeling so lazy and moody to start my work.....and now i'm regret for not doing anything because it's night time already and i'm afraid i cannot finish my work!!!*padan muka* BUT....i seriously dun have any motivation to start the first step...><"...lazy me!!!!~~~


Went lunch and dinner with 1 of my house mate,Shin Yu... she's the only one who available at here and close to me...so we gotta depend on each other for these 2 days....pity us right???No choice lor......everyone is not here....Westlake also less people....Where's everyone ya????:S:S


Just now chatted with a friend...and she just broke up with her boyfriend...Well,again she reminds me of HIM.....then i dun feeling good again!!!tears again....T.T....Haihz....i guess i still can't take it........What shall i do????T.T....But i feel happy because i am able to help her and give her some advice while my tears are everywhere on my face....She's lucky than me I guess....At least...she's the one who wants to break up but her boyfriend still wanna get back wit her.....How bout me???I know our situation is different here but i still think it's really unfair for me to trap in this kind of situation!!!T.T.....How i wish he will talk back to me....how i wish everything will be just the same as before?????


Today also it reminds me of last Saturday....Time really flies....last Saturday i still can go out with him but this week we are totally lost contact and i'm the only one who miss him here....How hard for me to keep myself strong for this few days.....I'm still strong from the outer me but i'm totally collapse in the inner me......T.T....every night i still will cry before i am able to sleep.....how long i need to suffer from all these????


Enuff for today and i shall continue tomorrow again....NitesSss.....ZzzzZzz....

WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*officially missing you badly!!!!*T.T

如果我变成回忆

累了 照惯例努力清醒着
也照惯例想你了
好怕一放心睡了 心跳在梦中
不听话的就停止了
听着 呼吸像浪潮摆动着
越美丽越让我忐忑
我还能珍惜什么
如果我连自己的脉搏 都难掌握

如果我变成回忆 退出了这场生命
留下你错愕哭泣
我冰冷身体 拥抱不了你
想到我让深爱的你人海孤独旅行
我会恨自己 如此狠心
如果我变成回忆 终于没那么幸运
没机会白着头发
蹒跚牵着你 看晚霞落尽
漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈
若有人可以让他陪你 我不怪你

快乐 什么时候会结束呢
哪一刻是最后一刻
想把你紧紧抱着
可知你是我生命中的 最舍不得

如果我变成回忆 退出了这场生命
留下你错愕哭泣
我冰冷身体 拥抱不了你
想到我让深爱的你人海孤独旅行
我会恨自己 如此狠心
如果我变成回忆 终于没那么幸运
没机会白着头发
蹒跚牵着你 看晚霞落尽
漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈
若有人可以 让他陪你
如果我变成回忆 最怕我太不争气
顽固的赖在空气 霸占你心里每一寸空隙
原来依然爱我的你痛苦承受失去
这样不公平 请你尽力 把我忘记

Day 6

It's Friday again...class at 8am and thank god i can wake up!!!But, been wasting time attending the class because the lecturer really *speechless*...Oh well....who cares....and i just need a pass in this Subject!!~


Tonight is not a good night...because everyone is not here and most of them went back hometown and some of them going camping in Gopeng....me neither joining any because i decided not to go back yesterday or go to the camp...a little regret now because i miss home!!!T.T


Nothing special about today...but that particular someone really make me feel like scolding ppl while in class...><....what the hack she always like that???????GRrrRRRrrrr....@.@


When alone in the room....really dun feel good at all because i will start to think of many many things again....It's really torturing my mind and i couldn't concentrate in doing anything....there's loadsssss of things waiting for me to do now but i still sitting here online...facebook...chatting.....GOSH......when only i can finish my work?????:(:(...


Nothing much that i wanna write here already because i'm kinda moody and out of mind what shall i say.....Long time never have this kind of feeling already....now I'm stuck like before and it really need times to walk through this road....I will wait but i will not giving any pressure like before anymore....Depends on fate i can say....and I dun know what's in his mind anymore....and I lost the direction of where should i go now....and I hope i can be more strong to face this!!!!~ -end-

*You had broke your promise again...I know is hard for you and i will not blame anyone.....Take care and good luck....*

Day 5

It's the fifth day and today had Moral class....damn boring....never concentrate at all because i can't totally focus on what the lecturer teaching!!!Tml 8am class.....now is 2.40am and i haven't sleep yet....><'"


After class, decided to go for a hair cut and change a new image of myself....So, finally i cut my hair shorter already and also dye my hair to a dark purple....I know it's sudden but maybe i just dun wanna be the old me and wanna try to be in change myself from the outer look before changing anything!~


Quite satisfy with the hair colour of mine but nothing big difference from the shape of the hair cut....well, i already decide to keep my hair long and back to where i used to be....So...hopefully i have the patient to keep it long again lor:):)


This week i am still thinking whether wanna go home anot because all my friends will be going back home and some of them going for camping!!!even my roommate is going back too!!!This means that i will be totally ALONE here in kampar for the weekends.....Haihz...how sad and lonely....but i doesn't want to go home because i dun wanna face something that i am not ready on.......That's why finally i decided to stay here alone and be alone here....and hopefully i can finish my work by this weekend.....


About my FYP...cracking my head to think of what title and topic should i do now......next thurs gonna give it to my supervisor already....but i havent decide anything yet....worrying and scare......what shall i do????T.T....
hHmmm....hopefully everything can be done by this weekend also because i still got others activities waiting for me~~~~


And yes...today we had a drinking session AGAIN and also celebrate my classmate's birthday......this time i drink more than yesterday....I wish to get drunk but i dun even have the mood to drink....><.....no matter how hard i drink i still dun feel i'm tipsy or drunk.....I still can know what's happen and everything.....How i wish i can be drunk once so  that i will not think of everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!


*I know you are still angry or hate me......if it is true then i have nothing to comment already....but....I still wanna tell you that how much i miss you here.....you'll never know and i bet you dun want to know about it.....how hurt it can be....You will never understand it too!!!!!Again, i know i shouldn't bother anymore...but no matter how hard i tried i still fail.....I just dun know why!!!Pls forgive me for everything because  i really love you!!!!!


Nitesssss.....8am class later and i hope i can wake up!!!kekeke!!!!ZzzzZzzz.......

Day 4

It's already the 4th day and i still can't help myself from being in a moody mood...I dun wanna face the actual problem and just feeling of ignore and run away from reality!!!what the hell going on with me????


Today is another really busy day and i did not have a proper meal instead...been busy with classes and after that meeting meeting meeting....But yet i still cannot handle anything well with this kind of mood....how i really wish i can run away from here and stay in a place which there's no one will recognize me!!!:(:(


These few days really have many things to settle especially those club and society activities....HAIh....couldn't blame anyone or anything because is me who wanna take the job and this is also one of the way which can keep me busy busy busy and stop thinking of those unhappy things...this is what we called "escape" from the reality...I have no choice....if i dun do so,i will be really suffering from the kind of emo feelings.....and yes....i still can't forget him....T.T


Just back from Jeremy's house because they had a small drinking session in their house....Vodka and Whiskey...lolx.....i been "forced" by them to go over their house and drink...hrmmm.....I didn't drink much because i dun have the feeling of drinking....but in another way, i also wanna force myself to get drunk and that's a way which can let me relax and clear my mind for now....Unfortunately, i still failed to do so....:(:(....Well, if things really goes like this, i have no other choice too right???


Today we have a briefing about our FYP project and we also get to know who is our adviser!!!HmmM...nothing to be surprise and I get Pn.Wira...well,she is my 1st choice...but at this moment, i still cannot think of a topic to do my FYP....and yet the problem is....next THURS we gotta give her to check our topic and proposal!!!OH MY GOSH....................so little time.....how am i going to finish it????????I'm really stress....so many things need to be done now and yet i still dun wanna start...........><'""


I dunno what shall i do now....I'm just so confuse and lost my direction....T.T....


and Ya....i'm still think wanna join the camping this weekend anot...but i still got lots of things havent done....how how how???


Lastly, i know i'm annoying him....i tried hard not to think of him and not to contact him....but i still can't help myself from thinking of him!!!!!Can i know what's in his mind now????T.T


Good night and to be continue tomorrow...ZzzZzz.......

Day 3

Today is really a moody day...been thinking of lots of thing and also cannot concentrate in doing things......Can't sleep well last night and today fell asleep in class during Stat class....><"


Not in the good mood and it really get me in trouble all the day long.....Just dun like this kind of situation and this kind of moody mood but i have no choice!!!I can't get myself to stop thinking of every single possible happens to happen next....I really hope to leave here and back to my home*sob sob*


I know i'm just no one to angry or jealous or even question him anything....But i just can't help myself to involve in his life.....I really can't stop myself from thinking and thinking and thinking about those problems....I know i believe in him but you know lar...girls are always sensitive and thinking too much when comes to some "problems"....I did think from his side, but yet i still cannot control myself from being rational and calm when i saw what i saw....


I know he definitely will be angry at me this time...I do not know what can be explained this time....I just feel like ignore and run away from this kind of situation....How i wish he can really understand how i feel...how i wish he will not angry at me...but somehow,i know it's hard for him to accept me from doing such stupid thing....Trust doesn't mean that there will be no misunderstanding...again....blindly trust a person can also lost the direction of which way should i go now~~~


I'm not saying that I feel suffer and not blaming others because this is my own decision from the start!!!!No matter what others think, i just listen and take it as a reference....I still have my own decision and opinion....that's why i wanna go through what i'm going to do now....I choose to be this way and I choose to stay...I really dun feel any regret and I can surely say i will still stay!!!!


I dun know what shall I say this time or explain anything....things gonna turn into a mess because of my action....I apologize of my stupid act but at the same time i still feel hurt seeing those kind of things.....I have no choice to turn back and walk the other way...I dun wanna give up so easily now....I dun wanna make things more complicated....I dun wanna see you angry at me.....I dun wanna suspect anything.....I just wanna be with you and stay with you...I just wanna you to be honest to me and I just wanna you to care of me......When shall all this things stop and end??????I can't support myself for long anymore......!!!!!!!!T.T...


Today is just the 2nd day of class but i already feel stress and tired....too many things need to be done and too many decision and work need to be solve!!!!!!!Can i have extra 24hours per day so that i can complete everything?????....OH gosh...i hate short sem!!!!!!!!!!*sufferingofthisshortsem*


Luckily, tml my class will be a little late than mon and tues....now i shall continue my work and in the same time i also waiting for his call/reply.....I know i'm thinking too much and asking too much....but i just can't help myself to think of him and miss him day by day....If he do not wanna contact wif me...i will still wait....i know i'm wrong and i hope he will forgive me again!!!!:(:(

SORRY AND PLS FORGIVE ME~~

really missing you lots...T.T

Day 2

This will be a short post for today because my mind is blank and i have no idea what i wanna write now....

First day of class in this semester I did not find interesting either because we had 5 1/2 hours of English class today.....Been dreaming in the class while lecturer is lecturing in the class:S:S....i dun know why but i just can't concentrate....

Hrrmm...kinda moody and not in the mood because there's some bitches spoiled my day!!!!Well, i dun wanna  had a fight with any one but PLEASE dun ever come to trouble me when i'm not in the good mood!!!!You shall take the consequences and pay for it if you do so!!!!I said this semester i will be EVIL and i really mean it!!!!!><

Nothing much i did today because whole day in Uni and busy with classes and also industrial attachment's stuff....Hrmm...still not yet settle with those procedure thingy but will settle it ASAP!!!!:))...After back home went for a nap and then went for dinner in Tesco wif my dearie roommate and Cheah Wei.....We ate Sushi King lor...as a reinforcement of ourselves after whole day class???LOLxxxx...

Today kinda blur and also dun know what am i thinking because i kept did some mistake!!!!ISH....what lar me!!!blur and moody really makes me feel like doing nothing and cry alone under my comfortable pillow!!!!Sometimes when talked about sensitive issues, i can feel i almost gonna lost control of myself but luckily i still can tahan for it until i'm back home....:S:S

Tomorrow gonna have 8am class AGAIN....sigh......guess i need to go to bed and have more rest now.....kinda sleepy and tired already....ZzzZzzzz.......Today i just wanna end this post with 3 letter words " I MISS YOU"~~

*baby, you still owe me a photo of yourself...and i know you are really busy and worrying about your review by the end of the month....no one is perfect and nothing is gonna make you down!!!!i believe you can handle it well and overcome everything!!!!trust yourself that you can do it,okayz???you know i will support you always....muacks*

Day 1

Back to Kampar again and reached here around 6 something....this is the 2nd time i drove alone but my roommate,Elaine also drive back together with me..:):)....Was kinda sleepy while driving because normally there will be friends who talk to me all the way to keep me awake.....Luckily i didn't fall asleep....XDXD


After back here....when reached my Kampar house door....got a little weird feeling and it looks strange for me...I dunno why...or maybe because I'm still not in the mood to back here again...or I missed something.....Well,without wasting any time,me and roommate start our "work" for cleaning our room!!!!Been cleaning for 1 hour plus...kinda tired and sweating all the way...HAHA....*paiseh*...After that we unpacked our luggage and tidy up our study table to prepare for our new semester!!!!=PP....lots of books and paper everywhere....there's no where else for me to put my books anymore....OMG.....i need a larger place!!!!T.T


Then, took a shower and went our "dinner" or it can be called as "supper" wif my roommate and our friend,Cheah Wei....Took some light food because I actually quite hungry!!!Keke...i skipped my lunch today because I ate too full in the morning while having breakfast with my family!!!*dim sum...my FAV*....After that,back to room again and sit here online and surfing net.....was facebook-ing and chatting with friends....Kinda miss my room and everyone!!!!*sob sob*....


Tomorrow is another brand new day for the 1st day of the Short Semester....I'm praying everything will go smoothly....Either i just wish to back to that kind of environment that everyone was still get close together and hang out like previous....Hhhmmmm......i pray hard everyday and really hope God will hear my prayer!!!~ Well, maybe things will not be as what i expected but i hope it will not be too bad neither...:):)


Yeah back to the main topic again....today i consider the 1st day....Did went to find him awhile before i go back....I tot i can stay strong but at the end i still can't do it!!!I know how hurts in my heart and i just wanna leave it for myself....Even my tears starting to drop when i was packing....My mind keep thinking of everything  that happens....Seriously, I miss him A LOT!!!!a lot more than none of us can understand.....I dun know why...or maybe i need time to overcome it...????....i wish time can cure everything but my heart doesn't want to listen and follow the way it suppose to be!!!!!How long i can stand.....I wonder....


No regret for what i had choose but i will still fight for the right and wait for him....No matter it's worth it anot...I will still try my best until I success...or maybe i will fall....then we'll see how that time....ZzzZzz......Well, 1st day is almost come to the end and tomorrow is another new day for us to fight for it!!!!!DEAR, i just wanna you to know that...no matter how i will still be there for you and i will support everything you wanna do!!!!*muacks*


Ps: Baby...i hope the photo that i gave you will still kept inside your wallet....Will you miss me when you free???Will you think of me when u got a little time???...I wish you will and i hope you will....Today i feel a little moody here and how are you there????and yeah...i am still waiting for you to send me your latest pic after u had a hair cut!!!!=pp


To be continue tomorrow....Good Night everyone...*sweet dreams*

Baby,I'm always here for YOU....

      YEAH!!!it's today!!!the day i been waiting for after so long....Today we went to 1Utama!!!Today is Deepavali too,that's why it is kinda hard to find parking and there are many people in the shopping mall!!!

      After we found the parking, we decided to went for lunch and he bring me to this Korean bbq style buffet,Seoul Garden...Hmm...guess this is the first time eating buffet with him because we rarely will take this kind of buffet together!!!The food was not bad and it is korean style...i love it lots....the "kimchi" they had is really tasty....too bad he can't take too spicy food...so we had herbal soup for the steamboat...:):)

       It was really FULL having buffet at the afternoon because i rarely eat much recently....*still on my diet plan lar!!XD*..So, after we went for a walk and he suggest to watch movie together!!!We walked to GSC and saw many people line up to buy ticket for movie!!!!After looking at the time of the movie, he wanted to watch 2 movie which is "Cloudy with a chance of meatballs" and "Pandorum"...Finally we bought 3D ticket and couple sit for "Cloudy" and normal seats for "Pandorum"the show was 3.30pm and 6pm!!!:)Not going to comment much about the movie but overall it was not bad for me!!!d^.P

     After the movie marathon, it's almost 8pm and we decide to go some other place for dinner....and finally i bought myself a Bross Bottle and he bought himself a penguin soft toy and we then leave 1 Utama....Then, he suggested to go ss2 "Kei Tak Seik" for dinner but unfortunately we can't found any parking nearby and it's kinda many car and packed....so we changed the location to other place....He said that he wanted to go find his friend and we finally end up meeting with his friend about few hours and had our dinner together nearby!!I didn't ate much because i still feeling full after eating the buffet at the afternoon....

     Then, its time again to say Goodbye to him but we also had a short time talking with each other before i went back....Actually i have lots of things wanna talk to him but i dun know why i can't express my feeling that moment...My tears starts to dropped again because i know i'm still cannot accept everything to be end now....I have no choice but he did promised me after I talked to him!!!It may be hard for him to keep the promise but i hope he will not broke the promise so soon....Dear, I will wait for you after you settle down everything...I will still wait for you until you need me....

       This time, i feel that i am much tough and brave to faced things already....At least, i feel good and comfortable talking with him....at least, i still believe and trust him even though my friends did not wish me to do that....Sorry to my friends and to who care for me.....I know I did a very stupid decision.....BUT, I will prove to everyone that I actually make a right decision and I will still wait for him no matter what happens....IF one day i fail, then i will still stand up and walk away from him....So,please trust me that I can do it and your support really mean a lot to me!!!!!!!!!!!!

        Tomorrow i will be going back to Kampar again....Monday is also a new semester and new day for me to start everything again!!!!!!!Although there's still lots of worries in my heart but I will try to handle and settle or face it by myself.....I dun know what will happens next....but I will still try my very best to solve everything!!!!This new semester....I must be more hardworking already because there are only 7 weeks and I have 3 subjects in this short semester!!!!Besides, there are also lots of activities and programs waiting for me.....I shall be extremely busy too....Internship is also gonna kill me if they really wanted us to start earlier....Well, I believe i can handle it and Me and Him will also work very hard to fight for our dream....Let's just put our relationship aside first until the suitable time is here!!!!!!GAMBATEH KAREN GOH AND TOMMY CHIN!!!!!!!

         Lastly, wanna tell him that....I will still miss you and love you here even though we are far apart from each other....Will you miss me and think of me if you free????I wish you will and you will keep your promise....If you face problem and need someone to be there for you...*remember* that i will always support you and be there for you!!!!!Take care, my dear........

Baby i just wanna be with you...

It's the last Saturday before class starts again...my holiday is gonna end so soon....is time again to back to study life again...These 2 weeks plus never really do anything meaningful i guess except went out with friends...sing k...shopping...yum char...find my internship place...online at home...watch movie....sleep....Time to keep all those feeling again and back to reality....*i wish it is as good as what i think*

He promised me to bring me out and spend a little time with me...I'm really looking forward to it because this holiday i never had a good outing or spending time with him....Everything is out of expectation....things happened...and now....we are hanging on no where.....So, i just really hope that we can spend a day together before everything comes to the end....I just wish i could stop the time...I know it's impossible and things will still go on....no matter how....

Been thinking of lots of problem and thinking recently...There's still many question mark inside my mind....there's still lots of problem i can't really think a way to solve it....I'm so helpless....I dun even know what to do....What's in my mind...What's my heart want.....I can't really think of everything to happens....I have no idea what's going wrong with me....I'm really tired of wearing mask and face everything~~

After today, i know things will change and everything will be different again....Nobody hopes it to end it that way but we have no choice to choose....If ever i had a second chance, i will still say that i have no regret in choosing this relationship...and U really mean a lot to me....If ever i had to choose, i will still choose to believe you like how i put the trust on you from the beginning...I prefer that time....where we really had a great time.....

I will still wait...wait until the day u willing to continue this relationship....I know I am not that good enough for you...but I really wish to be the one beside you always....be the one who love and care for you....If one day u found a better one, please let me know and I will disappear from your life....and NOW, i will still wait for you until you can accept me....All i want is just being together with you....

Maybe i'm dreaming too early for now???maybe things will change but we'll never know right....For today,I still love you for who you are....I will still wait for you until you are ready for everything....I appreciate everything u gave to me....*thank you*

Baby, please take care when I'm not there with you and hope you can feel the true feeling from me and accept me again!!!!I promised i will not disturb you if i have no problem...Hope that you will not forget me in your heart!!!!*I love you, dear!*xoxo

1Malaysia@Campus Competition

First of all, sorry for this kinda late post...


This is all about 5 of US who had took part in the 1Malaysia@campus competition which organized by our PM and UPM...This is a proposal writing about activities that can help to promote 1Malaysia among University students....ME, LAWRENCE,PRIYA,FATIN and ANDREW from UTAR which come from different ethnic and studying different course took part in this competition!!!!This competition is among the IPTA and IPTS in Malaysia. We are lucky that we are one of the winner of this competition!!!!;):)


Last Sat( 10/10/09),5 of us went to UPM for the closing ceremony and prize giving ceremony....it was a great experience for me because this is the first time i can represent my own uni(UTAR) to participate this kind of event...If wanna know more information about it, pls do feel free to visit our UTAR website and search for the "Honours and Awards"..
Please visit :
http://www.utar.edu.my/contentPage1.jsp?catid=11&contentid=1575 

Lastly,this is some of the picture that we took in  Pusat Kebudayaan dan Kesenian Sultan Salehuddin Abdul Azizi Shah,University Putra Malaysia...

*click for larger image*

TODAY~

Finally, the day i waited has arrived...
Went interview today in USJ1...havent know the result yet but mostly the company will accept us lar!!!:))
After that, we 4 of us....went pyamid AGAIN....for lunch and movie...watch " Far Cry"....damn sien....fall asleep at the beginning of the movie.....kinda pointless of that movie!!:S:S
Then,rush home to check my result because it released today!!!while interview, a few of my friends keep msg me and tell me about that....was kinda nervous that time....plus when we know the result is out.....almost panic liao...luckily we still can handle it!!:P:P
The UTAR Portal really sux......can't log in for the whole day....ish ish....until just now....while talking with a friend....then he suggested me to use my phone....i tried....money wasted...but i still cant check the result:S:S:S....Finally, i try it for the last time and it is successful!!!!OH thank god~~~
Well this time, not that good as what i thought...but at least is better than the previous semester....HAPPY!!!!YUP...i'm really HAPPY...although my Abnormal almost fail:S....btw, at least i can continue my studies...and will work extra HARD this coming new semester!!!!!
CONGRATS to all my friend and let's work harder again this new sem!!~
Finally i can go to bed with no worries already....tml can know the result of interview....wish me all the best too!!!^.^
*nites*

All i ever wish...

Ever since things changed...i know things aren't be the same anymore...

Day by day...you're treating me as cold as ice....and it really hurts a lot...

I dun have much time...i dun have much chance....

I wish i could know the truth from you...

I wish you could give me the real answer from your heart...

At least once again my heart is broken but i am willing to accept the truth....

I wish i could hear you saying " I miss you...I love you..."...for the last time....

I wish  you will hug me tight and kiss me for the last time....

I just wanna keep those good memories in my heart....

After that, i will back to my own world and go on with my life....

All i ever wish...

I could turn back time to those days....

*thanks for the love, the care and everything u did*

*i miss you,dear*

Keep Holding ON...

     5 more days and i'm going back again...I missed here.....a lot....


     Class gonna start on next week again....result is going to out in this few days...I'm nervous.....if this time i fail, guess i going to say Bye-bye to myself already....I admit i did not do the best for this time, i will take those consequences by not study hard...T.T


      Well, things are not going to be the same anymore... Everything changed...even people around me....I can't stopped them by doing so...I can't even stop a single thing to changed...This time, i am back to my own world and will soon wearing my evil mask again to face everyone...I did not want to think back of those happy days...because i know i am still not brave enough to face it!!


       The strong feeling i am having now is getting lesser and lesser by day and day....Not to say that i changed, maybe is just a symptoms of giving up and let it be...is the faith who decide where i stand and where i going to be...And i will accept everything and start my own live alone again!!!! I'm not going to depend on other people anymore....I'm gonna be independent and face everything by myself!!!! I know it's going to be hard and tough, just give me some time...

      Lastly,明天的我一个人依然会微笑!~

    

害怕

忘

我没有很努力要自己去遗忘

那些和日记一起收藏的过往

孤单在思绪之中变得很漫长

想

我没有很刻意让自己不去想

那些和照片静止的模样

我学着坚强

坚强到不用学着不想

学着遗忘

还是害怕夜深人静时总想起你

还是害怕的不经意听见你的消息

然而当爱已经沉淀得太清晰

当拥有已经是失去

就勇敢的放弃

还是害怕一个人时就很难忘记

还是害怕突然宁愿当初没有决定

然而当爱最后的出口是分离

我会这么相信

走下去

还是害怕夜深人静时总想起你

还是害怕的不经意听见你的消息

然而当爱已经沉淀得太清晰

当拥有已经是失去

就勇敢的放弃

还是害怕一个人时就很难忘记

还是害怕突然宁愿当初没有决定

然而当爱最后的出口是分离

我会这么相信

走下去

忘

我没有很努力要自己去遗忘

遗忘

Happy Children's Day!!!

Its Children's day again!!!!

I'm missing those days...

thinking of those cute little kids....the smile from their faces really makes my day...

I'm missing them too!!!!

SO, definitely i will go to my ex-teaching school to celebrate with them!!!!!!*WINKS*

I'm glad that most of them still can remember me and even keep in touch with me in MSN or facebook....btw,they are just Std 3 but they already started to use msn since Std 1....

Well,wanna wish all the children..."HAPPY CHILDREN's DAY!!!!"

Love u all lots....xoxo

*muackss*hugSsss*

I just need another chance....

Too many things happen and i cant even use any word to describe my feelings...
Finally i fall sick....and yet i dun have appetite to eat and insomnia again...
This is not what i wish for but i just can't control myself from thinking...
This time, i really fall deeply towards him...
For the very first time...i did many stupidity stuff because of him....
For the very first time...i feel so hurt and cannot control myself to do such " thick face" stuff....
For the very first time...i still believe him no matter how hurt am I....
I know i'm stupid and not worth it as what i told my frens...For the very first time i did my choice and decide every single action that i wanna do...without listening what my frens told me...
They are tired of listen and advice me...
But i still not tired of giving up....
What's the wrong with me????
Every single thing that i do i will think of him...
Every single word from him i still can clearly remember...
Every single stuff he wanted or like i still try hard to get for him...
I dun even feel like spending for myself...just because i wanna get something that he wanted...
I know i no need to show off telling everyone how many things i did just for him...
BUT, if i dun say it out....will he know all bout tis???will he even bother to know all these????
I can't care much on what other people think of me and him...
I just wanna do my best...
I just wanna show the sincere and care from me....
Its hard to move on but i am still trying to be brave and stand up....
I can't afford to lose him...
I can't afford to be alone...
I can't afford to go on with my life by myself...
I can't afford to do things without the support from him...
Yes. just think that i'm selfish...
I do not want to care...
I just wanna try to change things and work things out...
DEAR,
I just wanna be with you!!!
I don't want anything but just you!!!!
PLEASE dun leave me alone...

STOP RIGHT NOW...

STOP!!!!!

GOH YEE YIING!!!!!!can you please stop thinking about those nonesense....can you please stop giving hope to youself????

ARGHhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!! I'm GONNA GET CRAZY SOON!!!!I DUN WANNA INSOMNIA TONIGHT AGAIN AND I DUN WANNA SKIP MY MEAL AGAIN!!!!!CAN ANYONE PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS

HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

WOOOOOHHOooooooooooo
some good good news from Priya today....
guess what???


A-HA....YES!!!!OUR GROUP WON THE 1 MALAYSIA PROPOSAL WRITING!!!!!!!!!


i can't believe that we actually so LUCKY and was selected!!!!this Saturday we will be going to UPM to attend a prize giving ceremony!!!!*great*
i'm so happy...at least our Prime Minister and the country saw our afford!!! we manage to complete it and beat the others!!!:):)


YAhHooooo!!!!can't wait till that day!!!!!gotta be ready for everything!!!:D


THANKS TO PRIYA,ANDREW,FATIN and LAWRENCE!!!!! U GUYS REALLY DID A GREAT JOB!!!!^.^


thanks to our beloved "UTAR" for giving this opportunity too!!=pp

A Love Letter for YOU!!

Dear, Happy 9th Month Anniversary!!!!

Today is the day that i been waiting for before back from Kampar...Been planning and thinking of somewhere to go out with you to have a small celebration and also spending the precious time with you...Unfortunately,you are busy with working as expected and also cannot spend time for me....A little upset and dissapointed at first but i know i cannot change the fact also...that's why i also dun want to mention and tell you to spend time with me....

I'm happy to see you when i'm back here....hence, i also feel sad and worry about you because u been busy in working recently and never have a good rest....Sometimes, i know i'm selfish because i did not think from your view and wanted you to accompany me even though you are already tired after working!!! I admit i do angry at times, but i also feel useless because i can't even get to help you or do something for you...

Been thinking of many many things since dun know what day....been losing the trust and confident being together with you because there's so many things happen between us...Frankly, i used to believe in you in every single thing that u told me...I did not think or worry much that time...but, i also admit that this time....i really feel unsafe and insecure in my heart because i do not know should i believe the truth or follow my own feeling....At many times, i really feel like giving up but i'm not brave and strong enough to do so....I'm not ready to lose this relationship yet but i'm still trying very hard to maintain this relationship between both of us!!!Sometimes, i'm so envy and jealous about others who are so sweet and lovely being together with their partners while i think that i do not have the opportunity to have the same thing like them...But, i know i should appreciate what i have now and not compare with others....I do accept what i need to go through and what i have...

Dear, sometimes i know i complain too much on you...but i also hope that you can know what i feel and think being together with you...I know there is a distance between us and our thinking are not same...Sometimes,is hardly i accept what you do but i do not mind to accept it and think from the positive side!!But sometimes, you do really hurt my feeling a lots...I know if i complain or mad at you...I did not get any benefit from it....That's why i feel unsecured...I feel unsafe being far apart with you....Sometimes you did not understand how i feel...Sometimes i just want to express my feeling to you and hope that you can know what i am thinking....I also hoping that you can share and express a little of your feeling to me...as least let me know what u been thinking....Is really tired for me to keep guessing what you are thinking everyday...:(

After complaining so much, i also feel lucky and happy being together with you...Thanks for the care and love that you gave to me...Thanks for everything u did for me....Thanks for the care that you have for me...Thanks for the understanding when i always complain and sometimes argue with you....Thanks for the one who always be there for me......Thanks for calling me every night...Thanks for accompany me when i need someone....Thanks for all you have done...for the past,present and future.....

Although we cannot see each other everyday...although we cannot spend many time together with each other....I hope the love that you gave me since the day we together will still be the same!!!!I'm just happy to be together with you and also the love that you gave me in this 9 month!!!!I really really hope that it will continue and never stops.............

Lastly, I wanna let you know that I'm really happy being together with you and the effort that you gave to me!!!!!!!!!Thank you for being the special someone and hope you forgive the mistake i had done.....DEAR, I LOVE YOU LOTSSSSSSSS!!!!!!*muackss*

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY and HOPE OUR RELATIONSHIP WILL NEVER ENDssssss!!!!xoxo