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Monday, November 23, 2009

Day 36

It's Sunday again...Kampar weather is cooling recently because everyday also rain...Feel so cool while lying on the bed but too bad to say that i couldn't even sleep well!!! INSOMNIA ~~~~

Another moody day...been wasting many time sitting in front of the laptop and daydreaming....woke up 7 something in the morning but i cannot sleep back....suffering but what else i can do...assignment???powerpoint???study for mid term /finals??presentation slides???NO....everything also no mood to do....so many problems been distracting in my mind....I can't focus!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!

What a day that everything bad happens on me....I just wondering why!!!!Why must I always be the victim???Why must I be the one who get blame???Why must I always the one who involve in all these kind of things????Don't get me wrong because i'm not blaming anyone or what...maybe this is just my faith and also one of the way which can help me stay strong if i can solve/overcome it!!!Yes i do appreciate that i have the chances of being trapped in all these problems so that i can learn more...but everything comes on the wrong timing.....I scare i can't take it already and i might end up sending to Tanjung Rambutan!!!T.T.....the days might come??i doubt so!!~

I have no one to talk to....I still need to stay strong in front of everyone....but only I will be myself when I am talking to him...I just dun know why~!!Well, you might think that i am getting attention or sympathy from you but i'm going to apologize if you really think so...Sorry and i dun mean or get anything from you....Maybe I find it comfortable when i talk to you or even listen to you....I can't stop myself....After talking to you i really feel much more better....Not to say i dun have other friends....but i just dun know why i dun wanna disturb them or let them see me crying in a ugly face...All i can do is release my stress and emotion on you....I know i should learn not to depend on you too much....I failed again.....I'm sorry!!!

I been asking myself about many questions....Am I that bad from a friend point of view????Am I that bad until everyone dun like to talk to me????I tried my best to be a better person...to be a good friend...to be a friend who will care and shares things...But, what i get from them???It's just dissapointment...just a broken heart and just a hurting way of treating me back....Can i just conclude that I am just bad for them????* I wonder*

The reason i wanna limit my blog to selected readers only because i dun wanna get any misunderstanding here AGAIN....sometimes, i just wanna write out the feeling of myself here but end up there's people who loves to relate things in another way...This might be one way of the misunderstanding???I know it will be....So i decide to just limited to some friends who will not involve themselves or any prejudice or bias towards others....I dun like conflict and i know everyone doesn't like too!!!So...I shall just do like how i used to be....restrict my blog!!!Maybe no one will read it in future but it's okay for me...From my point of view, I'm writing this is all because for myself!!!I dun mind if there's no one want to read....I just wish to write down what's happen everyday in my life!!!!

Good Night...

ps : Can tomorrow a better day???*pray hard* 


blurgurl said...

darling, bad things happen in life and that's the time when we learn to be strong and take the lessons of life. so do not be afraid, because i will always be right here to support you through all these and you know you can always talk to me. :)
it's okay to "disturb" him, because he's still a friend and that's what friend are for, listen to you when you have problems. so don't think like that okay?.. i guess he will be happy to help even just by listening to you.
and for me, you're certainly a friend who is always take good care of me and really do care about me. ^^

luv u. *hugs*

Karen said...

Yeah dun worry about me...life still goes on no matter what happen...just sometimes is hard to face it...dun worry i will be fine soon!!!;)
thanks for the support always!!!
take care too~muacksss