Day 43

Back in Kampar again but i missed home already....4 days of holiday is really not enough for me....i haven't meet up with my friends....i havent get to watch 2012 and twilight....i haven't get to see my cutie little cousin,Jarrell....so many things haven't do.....i just wish i can stay longer!!!!:(


Drove back alone again and not feeling well again*dizziness really killed*....was driving very slow becuz heavy rain and sleepy.....cannot concentrate also and my tears keep falling.....I tried to hold until i'm alone in the car.....Luckily i manage to control and at least i never cry in front of him this time....I'm strong enough to leave.....


I know i am selfish....i am hoping too much and expecting too much....That's why i fall so deep....How can i climb up and be myself again???*sob sob*

The more i hope the more i will lost....

我深深在你身上体会到...

如果哭过就好了...那该多好啊~

我会尽力把你给忘记...这样对大家也许会比较好...

你把我们的回忆都给拿走了....我也知道这是我该放手的时候了...

谢谢你曾经的好...

谢谢那些你给的美好回忆...

谢谢你让我长大...

谢谢你对我的坦白....

ps : 雨过就会天晴...一切也将会结束!!!

Day 42

It's Saturday again...Today, my grandmother and aunt come to our house to visit us...then daddy bring us to Puchong and we had italian food as our lunch!!!*yummy*...Then, i suggested to go IOI mall after our meal because it's been awhile i never step into the shopping mall...It has a new wing like the other shopping mall now....there are more shops and the people also quite many today...compare to last time which used to be a very boring place for shopping!!Not bad lar..at least i get to buy a formal shirt in one of the shops...*smile*


Then, at night i had dinner with a friend of mine which i know her since primary school....We were best friend that time....She never change much....and she also bring her boyfriend along to show me!!!Happy for her because she have a good boyfriend now!!! We talked and laugh...those days....that we missed a lot.....now everyone is growing up and busy with their life already.....But at least we appreciate it!!:))


Tomorrow is Sunday...this means that i need to go back again.....4 days of holiday is really not enuff for me because i havent meet up with many friends.....Not a good timing for this time because all of them are busy....Hope we can meet again soon....after my exam!!!^.^


After back to Kampar...everything will starts to become busy and busy again....especially finals is coming....gotta work extra extra harder already!!!!!i dun wanna dissapointed myself and others.....Wish me luck then!!hehehe~~


Nightsssss!!!

ps : I'm hoping to see you again....

哭过就好了

梁文音-哭过就好了

不喜欢怀疑什麽

并不表示我没有感受

看你微妙的变化 慢慢不同

我不是生气 只是心痛

最讨厌被误会了

但越解释越觉得难过

你可以说人会变

但不能说 你会这麽做 是我的错

哭过就好了

伤都会好的

这样相信所以深呼吸著割舍

爱是为了拥抱 为了牵手

不是为了争吵 为了调头

哭过就好了

痛都会走的

记忆有限 所以它会淘汰坏的

失眠听歌 想念虽然苦涩

还是谢谢你让我长大了

哭过就好了

痛都会走的

记忆有限 所以它会淘汰坏的

失眠听歌 想念虽然苦涩

还是谢谢你让我长大了

越多美好堆叠的过往

想忘就得推倒更大的悲伤

要找勇气却不在口袋或手上

但它一定在我身上某个地方

哭过就好了

痛都会走的

记忆有限 所以它会淘汰坏的

失眠听歌 想念虽然苦涩

还是谢谢你让我长大了

恋爱

恋爱这本书是多么的复杂?

可是，再复杂的书，毕竟还是有被人拿捏的时候。
这本书的每一页，每一行，每一个字，
都值得我们去好好的，仔细的研究。
可它并不是每一节都甜蜜无比，
有的时候，你或许会碰上苦涩的情景
有的时候，它或许会令你碰上怒发冲冠的事件
甚至是麻辣的争吵
但! 你可不能在这个时候气馁!
雨后天晴始终是存在的。

恋爱后，还有一本婚姻等待着你呢!


 ps: 雨过就会天晴了吗??一切就能回到从前吗???我真希望你可以告诉我....

Day 41

Went Summit Popular book fair with my dear dear Peng in the afternoon....it was really pack and hardly can breath...:S:S...but there's a lot of books that are very cheap!!:P


Then, went back took a nap while dear dear using my laptop to online....kinda tired because slept very late last nite and cannot sleep well again....bad dream again...ish....what happen to me lately???


After dinner with my parents, went for a movie with a friend and we watched " Christmas Carol"....No ticket for 2012 nor twlight....But, the movie wasn't that bad lar....;):)


Tomorrow gotta study and start my FYP already!!!!T.T


So. i'm going to bed now and continue tml lor^.^

ps : I'm happy that i can see you today....so heartbreak when i see u in tired face....Anyway, im not going to ask for more....it's enough for everything if everyday can be like today!!!i always appreciate it!!!pls take care...

刺猬- 温岚

LOVE THIS SONG!!!:) * thumbs up * 最后一抹的微笑 在转身之后 我闭上眼哭了 仅存的一点点骄傲 华丽的外表终于丢掉 很彷徨很孤单 是寂寞或 悲惨 一个人该怎么办 像是刺猬般防范 伪装的勇敢 不轻易让你看穿 我以为可以很坦然 面对分开时不觉得伤感 然而将灯关上 一片无 声黑暗 心痛的大声呼喊 我想我没那么坚强 每个女孩其实一样 渴望着爱情的好 渴望被拥抱 却都害怕爱让人受伤 承认我没那么坚强 不过是一而再的逞强 小心将情绪收藏 比傻瓜还傻 刺猬的坚强全都是假象 哭吧 像是刺猬般防范 伪装的勇敢 不轻易让你看穿 我以为可以很坦然 面对分开时不觉得伤感 然而将灯关上 一片无 声黑暗 心痛的大声呼喊 我想我没那么坚强 每个女孩其实一样 渴望着爱情的好 渴望被拥抱 却都害怕爱让人受伤 承认我没那么坚强 不过是一而再的逞强 小心将情绪收藏 比傻瓜还 傻 刺猬的坚强全都是假象 我想我没那么坚强 每个女孩其实一样 渴望着爱情的好 渴望被拥抱 却都害怕爱让人受伤 承认我没那么坚强 不过是一而再的逞强 小心将情绪收藏 比傻瓜还傻 刺猬的坚强全都是假象 哭吧

Day 40

Finally I'm back HOME!!!:)


Today woke up quite late because last night cannot sleep....then never study for moral test....just tembak kao kao...lolx....i hope i will pass!!xD


Whole day not feeling well actually....maybe mamak too much???or eat too much???just dun feel good....even when exam time also kinda blur.....then after exam i straight away "fly" back KL!!!wahahha....driving alone is so syok cuz i can always drive as fast as i want...or even drive like a turtle when i'm tired or sleepy.....but sometimes it is so boring because no one talk to me....today a little different cuz i drive while I'm SICK!!!!kinda blur mode but luckily i arrived safely!!!:P:P


The 1st thing i reach Kg. Subang....then i think of AMANDA!!!hahaha...so i decided to drive to her house and find her....:)) it's feeling great when i meet her because we forever have lots of things to talk and chat.....time flies....we can't really talk much because she's busy and this week is her sis's wedding....so today they having dinner night at her house.....so, i left her house and went back to meet Lee Peng and Wen Sun after that!!!


We went Kuchai Lama to eat dim sum as our dinner....lolx...great suggestion by Lee Peng!!:S:S....hahaha...i never really eat much because i still dun feel well and no appetite to eat.....we chat and laugh together.....i miss  every second every day together them when we were studying in F6!!!!!Now, everyone is so busy and it's really hard for us to gather and talk like that.....:((


After that, we went yum char session again because we last minute suggest wanna go for movie but no ticket....so we ended up yum char in SS15 Station One.....our so-called "old place" because most of the time we will be hang out there with friends...hehehe!!!~


Had a really tiring day of driving....but i did enjoy the moment when i meet my darlings.....;)


Tomorrow is a public holiday....i think i will be at home to start my FYP already.....still got 1 week before dateline....scary scary that i cannot finish it!!!!Gambateh lor:):)

ps : tonight i feel a little confuse...i have lots of things to say but i dun know where should i start.....ended up writing irrelevant things...aiks....guess i'm really missing you a lot and i hope.......*secret*

Day 39

Tired enough for today...

I just wanna go home now..

Few more hours to go and back home!!!!!!!!!!!

Good luck in moral exam later....

and i havent study anything but watching PPS for the whole night!!!!

LOL!!!!!!!!

Nightsssssss:):):)

Day 38

TIRING DAY!!!!

SHALL UPDATE EVERYTHING TOMORROW!!!

hope i can do well in tml's statistic presentation....

good night!!!

ps : i can't stop missing...
and

 i wish i can go home now!!!T.T

Day 37

Monday blue~~ blurry day~~

Skipped class again and luckily barred list is OUT today!!!HOHO...this means that i can skip more class??LOL!!!:P:P

Well, nothing much happened today...just busying with the One M'sia Proposal thingy....Hrmmm.....actually i'm a  little nervous and scare because my presentation skills not that good....AIksss...i dun wan to jatuhkan maruah sendiri dan UTAR lar!!!:S:S

Nothing much i want to blog about today....No matter what, i tried my best to make things better but i cannot force other people to accept and agree of what i've done!!!SO, just let it be.....i dun wanna bother about that anymore!!!

Tomorrow gotta wake up early and prepare to PUTRAJAYA!!!!!wish me luck!!!:):)

There's still many things to be done....and i guess tomorrow night i wont be able to sleep already!!!Will see how also!!~

Good night Everyone!!!

ps : let's us GAMBATEH for tomorrow!!!^.^

Day 36

It's Sunday again...Kampar weather is cooling recently because everyday also rain...Feel so cool while lying on the bed but too bad to say that i couldn't even sleep well!!! INSOMNIA ~~~~


Another moody day...been wasting many time sitting in front of the laptop and daydreaming....woke up 7 something in the morning but i cannot sleep back....suffering but what else i can do...assignment???powerpoint???study for mid term /finals??presentation slides???NO....everything also no mood to do....so many problems been distracting in my mind....I can't focus!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!


What a day that everything bad happens on me....I just wondering why!!!!Why must I always be the victim???Why must I be the one who get blame???Why must I always the one who involve in all these kind of things????Don't get me wrong because i'm not blaming anyone or what...maybe this is just my faith and also one of the way which can help me stay strong if i can solve/overcome it!!!Yes i do appreciate that i have the chances of being trapped in all these problems so that i can learn more...but everything comes on the wrong timing.....I scare i can't take it already and i might end up sending to Tanjung Rambutan!!!T.T.....the days might come??i doubt so!!~


I have no one to talk to....I still need to stay strong in front of everyone....but only I will be myself when I am talking to him...I just dun know why~!!Well, you might think that i am getting attention or sympathy from you but i'm going to apologize if you really think so...Sorry and i dun mean or get anything from you....Maybe I find it comfortable when i talk to you or even listen to you....I can't stop myself....After talking to you i really feel much more better....Not to say i dun have other friends....but i just dun know why i dun wanna disturb them or let them see me crying in a ugly face...All i can do is release my stress and emotion on you....I know i should learn not to depend on you too much....I failed again.....I'm sorry!!!


I been asking myself about many questions....Am I that bad from a friend point of view????Am I that bad until everyone dun like to talk to me????I tried my best to be a better person...to be a good friend...to be a friend who will care and shares things...But, what i get from them???It's just dissapointment...just a broken heart and just a hurting way of treating me back....Can i just conclude that I am just bad for them????* I wonder*


The reason i wanna limit my blog to selected readers only because i dun wanna get any misunderstanding here AGAIN....sometimes, i just wanna write out the feeling of myself here but end up there's people who loves to relate things in another way...This might be one way of the misunderstanding???I know it will be....So i decide to just limited to some friends who will not involve themselves or any prejudice or bias towards others....I dun like conflict and i know everyone doesn't like too!!!So...I shall just do like how i used to be....restrict my blog!!!Maybe no one will read it in future but it's okay for me...From my point of view, I'm writing this is all because for myself!!!I dun mind if there's no one want to read....I just wish to write down what's happen everyday in my life!!!!

Good Night...

ps : Can tomorrow a better day???*pray hard* 

Day 35

WTF!!!!!!

i just wish i can scream out loud now!!!!!!!!!!

FARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My MSN been hacked by unknown bustard!!!!!!Pls dun accept any file or watever thing that send by my account!!!It's NOT me!!!!!!!I will no longer using that account!!!For further information i will update here!!!Sorry for the inconvenience!!!!!!!

That's all for now!!!!!><"

Day 34

Friday night...nothing special happen today...handed in 2 assignment and left 1 more next week need to hand in...after that still got 2 presentation and Tues gonna go to Putrajaya to present our 1Malaysia Proposal...Then, i also took part in the public speaking about 1Malaysia which is on the 3rd of Dec...then then i still gotta hand in my FYP Chapter 1 on Week 7!!!!Arghhhhh....still got lots of things haven't done yet....T.T

Nothing much to blog about today...but i suddenly feel like going mamak because i'm hungry!!!T.T....gRrr.....my diet plan always fail...lolx....dun know when only it can success??I need more motivation and inspiration!!!Looking forward to go home next week and then i can hang out with my lovely ji mui n friends!!!!All of them having holidays now and i'm so envy because they got 2 months of holidays!!!WHY UTAR always different from others har????Why can't they give us more holiday????LOLxXX~~~

and OHyeah....i'm very broke recently...spent too much already....GrrRr......any job intro me ar???feel like finding some part time because Kampar is really a dead and boring place!!!!!!!Pls contact me if anyone have any job to intro me ya!!!Thanks:):)

Afternoon slept too much already and now i'm not tired to go to bed....but what shall i do now????Hhhmmm....PPS kinda sien liao!!!lolx...anything new that i can do??????

ps : life still goes on even though there's ups and downs...I will still be me, myself no matter what is going to  happen in future!!!!CHEER UP!!!!You know you can do it!!!I'll love and miss you always!!!xoxo

Day 33

A lazy day....
Rushing assignment and finally everything is done....
Left 1 more to go and next week got presentation....
Will not go back this weekend...
I think i still love to be alone to avoid from any conflict happens...
No matter how hard i try, it will never be a good one...
I'm tired already....if things is going on like that.....i will just let it be....
Off alone i shall be!!!!
Tomorrow gotta go class already because i been skipping class very frequent lately....
So, i should off to bed and hopefully i can sleep well tonight!!
Good night!!

*ps : Yee Ying, pls stay strong and everything will be fine soon!!!!You still have me and others who will care and love you!!!You will meet your Mr.Right very soon....forget him and cheer up kays!!i miss you....

Day 32

It's aren't a good day overall....

I learned a lot...

Not too bad nor too good for me...but i still dislike the feeling being trap in these problems....

I learned to let go and i also learned to faced it...

With a very tough and hard decision that i make...

I believe i can overcome everything....

Specially thanks to "him"...

Thanks for listening to me and give me those advice when i need you....

Although it still a little hard for me to stay strong but i really feel better after talking to you....

Can i always have this chance????:)

My hearts stop me from asking those question that i wouldn't want to know but i still cannot control it....Yes i really miss you and i'm happy that i can tell in front of you....You said you miss me....but i know it's hard for you to tell me the truth...whether you will or not....it's okay....I dun expect anything from you....As long as we shall maintain this kind of relationship until it comes to a conclusion....

that's all for now and i wanna say :

I MISS YOU!!!

good night...

Day 31

It's already 1 month since the day we left each other....

Time flies but nothing seems to changed on my side but i am not sure how about yours...

All i can say is I still haven't manage or either found a way to let it go....

It doesn't matter if you will know it or not, but i am pretty sure you will not know this!!~

Maybe i just need another one month??who knows right???

Recently i been missing class more frequent already...Today i missed a tutorial class again...Maybe this is almost the end of the semester and i starting to get lazy and lazy already....Well, due to rushing assignment for the last minute,gotta stay up very late to do assignment and everything...that's why cannot wake up for the next day...ishHH....


I'm not going back this week because i still have work to be done....I miss my home and friends.....They are having holiday already but i still can't go back to meet with them!!!!I wanna go shopping....I wanna go sing k....I wanna go travel....I wanna go place that i'm not familiar with and I dun fee like coming back here....:S:S...It's so confuse because sometimes i wish i would stay but sometimes i wish i can escape from this place....I dun know what i wan actually....Maybe i'm those person who cannot decide for things....but i hope i will change!!!:):)


I miss him a lot today....I just dun know why.....when i saw his status in MSN shows that he met an accident today....I'm worried.....I tried hard not to bother about that but at last i still fail to do so....I send him an message and luckily he reply...and Thank God he is fine....Sometimes, i wish i will not ask and bother about that...sometimes, i wish he will tell me first instead of me going to ask him....I think a lot...I admit....I just cannot control myself from thinking more and more complicated things.....Forgive me about that~


I couldn't believe that it is already a month but everything happens i can still remembered deeply in my mind....It just like everything happens on yesterday but i still dun wanna accept the fact that he's gone....I'm actually not happy since the day he left.....I still dun willing to let him go from my life....I just wish he could stay....


I am trying to make myself happy and concentrate on my studies.....Thanks to my friends who is always there to support and help me!!!I will not dissapointed u guys....Guess i should continue my assignment and have a sweet dream!!!Nights^.^

Day 30

I missed English class for the very first time today....being lazy to attend the class because i couldn't sleep last night, end up rolling on the bed until 5 something only i can sleep.....


It's quite a tiring day because today we were rushing our assignment!!!!Oh gosh...there's so many things haven't done yet and this is the lesson of always being last minute...This week gotta pass up 2 assignment and my group actually haven't really did anything about it...LOLx....should i laugh or cry now????


Besides busying with assignments, I also gotta prepare for the presentation next TUES which our group gotta go to PUTRAJAYA and present our proposal about the activities that need to be done in the year 2010!!!I'm in charge of food carnival which also one of the big event of the year!!!*scary* I'm afraid that i cannot handle well because i still got internship....T.T....and i need time to back kampar and follow up the progress of the activities....this means that i will not having any holiday or rest day for the whole semester!!!!T.T...Gotta work work work and busy busy busy.....*sigh*


Now,it's almost 3am already and i gotta rush and find more information for Moral assignment as today only i know we need to have questionnaire and all for the assignment!!!Everything is like last minute...and i can't breathe already....I gotta....continue....doing....my work.....and Good Night Everyone!!!ZzZZzz....

Day 29

Yee Ying went back to KL already and i started to miss her a lot...Really thanks and appreciate a lot when she's back in Kampar and we really had a great time together....


Today i wasted the whole day sitting in front of my lappy to watch PPS's movie....Oh gosh,PPS really kills me if i continue to be like that...:S:S...can't stop myself from it because i'm really lazy to start my work!!!



There's many things in my mind and i do not know who can i talk to....I tried not to think much about it but i just cannot control my feelings and thinking....It's really a hard time for me when i'm being alone in the room....My roommate is not back yet and tonight i gonna sleep alone....I'm scare....I scare not because of anything but just the thoughts in my mind which makes me hardly fall asleep....bad dream i can say!!~


I do not know...1 month passed...I still cannot control myself...The feeling is still deep inside my heart and it was like yesterday....How long more i need to go over everything???


I'm emo....as usual....


I guess i will just stop here and not continue this emo post....

Here's the Quote of the day!!:)

ENJOY!!!

"Promise yourself to live your life as a revolution and not just a process of evolution"
~ Anthony J Dangelo

Day 28

Went Ipoh today!!!But, no ticket for movie!!!so we end up shopping and walking in Ipoh Parade....
Went Kenny Rogers for our lunch:))
Wasted the whole day in Ipoh and no time for assignment already....*guilty*
Guess tomorrow gotta be more hardworking to start my assignment!!gambateh!!!:D 
Sleepy now because never had enough sleep last night....Guess i got to stop here and continue tomorrow!!!
Good Night!!!ZzzzzZZZz...

Day 27

Friday

missed Moral class again for the 3rd week...

couldn't wake up in the morning because i'm being so lazy to attend the class...

Been watching PPS HK drama for whole day....

Assignment are waiting for me but i'm really lazy....just dun know why....

Went to Sushi King again today with Chiu Yen...

Priya called me and told me that we gotta go PUTRAJAYA to present our proposal for the 1Malaysia on Tuesday....Kinda nervous and exciting...haha...wish us luck:):)

Never go back home this week...and I miss home already!!!

Wanna watch 2012 badly now...

Hopefully i will have the time to go for a movie this weekend...:P

Wasting time in watching drama lately...

This semester never involve much in activities...that's why more free for wasting time on doing other things.....But, everything is in a rush because we just have 7 weeks this semester and finals is coming soon!!!!Hopefully i can get a good result in this semester and increase my CGPA before it's too late!!!*praying hard*

Been talking on the phone with a girl of my EX for more than 1.5 hours....Pity her i can say....and i feel empathy to her after listen to her story...it really reminds me of him when we were together and reminds those bad days n suffering days being together with him....Maybe he's just too "childish" to control his emotional and   also being immature when he's in a relationship!!!!i only can advice her but nothing else....I feel sorry because she's the next victim after me....I dun know what can i do to help her....but I know she will not going to give up on him so easily....Izzit worth it to being so stupid because of him????

Talking to her reminds me of looking back on myself....It's almost the same situation that i was facing before this....I didn't listen to other's advice and just want to prove to myself that i am not wrong....Now i somehow can realize it's really hard for one to do it when it really happens on us.....All i can do is just time to let go and leave....and I hope the girl will also have the same decision with me!!!!!~~~

Sigh,

Gotta be alone again in this weekend because my roommate is going back home....Well, i guess i already used to being alone....I am dependent at times but i can also be independent when there's no one there for me....Now i really need to be more independent....and i'm still learning...:):)

I wanna go Ipoh tomorrow...=P

I wanna be happy everyday....:D

hint : Everyone will have a chance:P:P

Good night!!!!! 

Day 26

First of all, i wanna wish my brother " HAPPY BIRTHDAY"!!!

Today Moral exam....never really study for it but afterall still consider can do lar...30 mins gao dim...can pass lor!!:P:P

Went to look around and shop in some boutique shops with Chiu Yen today....dun know why...just feel like wasting some money on buying things....never bought any clothes but bought some accessories for myself to make me feel happy~~~Weee~~~~

Didn't do anything today and just back from yum char...tomorrow still dun know wanna attend 8am Moral class anot because i really dun feel like going the morning class....still can't sleep yet but i'm really tired now....ZzzZzz....mind keep thinking of many things....there's so many things that i haven't do yet but i'm really lazy to do it.......Moral and Statistic assignment haven't do yet....CHARM LOR!!!!T.T

Not going back this week because i already POK KAI (broke)....lolx...but i feel like going to watch 2012!!!!anyone wanna accompany?????:D:D

Gotta go to bed now because i'm lazy and tired already....So, GOOD NIGHT!!!;)

*ps: my diet plan fail again....lolxx*

Day 25

TIRED~

Today Statistic exam was good...and hopefully i can get an A for it!!!:):)

Tomorrow Moral exam...just started to study 2 hours ago and i left 2 and half more chapters to go...Dun really feeling like reading it or seeing it but i'm scare tomorrow cannot do...LoLx....maybe plan to wake up early to study before go for exam bah!!!KEKE :P:P

OhhhYAaaa...Today went Ipoh Jusco with Law,Apple,Kar May and Jerms...we went there to help Jerms to choose birthday present for his special someone:P:P...Ate McDonalds OF COURSE!!!and we took "NGA CHOI GAI"-Ipoh Chicken Rice as our dinner before we back to Kampar again....Tiring day~~

A little moody...and i am controlling my temper and patient....

I know i shouldn't be like that but sorry that i can't do it as what i promise....

Give me just a little more time and I will be alright!!!!

I have faith in myself!!!!

GAMBATEH GOH YEE YIING!!!!!!!!!!!!

good night...xoxo:)

Day 24

整天都在胡思乱想很多东西...
脑海里还是不能停止关于他的每一点每一滴...
做什么事情都会联想到他...
我真的不知道还能用什么来调整自己的情绪....
心情真的很不好...
今天没有什么特别事情发生...
不过我的朋友从KL回来几天....我很开心...因为有人陪我...我不会那么寂寞.....在这里的日子越来越艰难....我不知道应该要用什么心态去面对.....好烦啊!!!!!!~
明天有小考...数学科啦....这也是我比较有把握的科目....希望可以顺顺利利啦!!!!:)
想睡了...晚安....ZZzzz...
*ps : i miss you!!!!*

Day 23

HEADACHE and not feeling well...
didn''t have a nice sleep also...
not in the mood to do anything....
there's so many things waiting for me to do but i'm still dun have the motivation to start anything!!!
I tried really hard to make myself happy but it isn't work at all....
I wanted to choose to close an eye for things but my mind can't stop me from thinking....
Really suffering...
I dunno what shall i do now???
PLS...HELP...ME.....


*ps : why did you choose to lie???*
*i'm really dissapointed and speechless...
*how i wish i can kill myself now!!!!

Day 22

Back in Kampar again...
Kinda sleepy and almost fall asleep while driving back to Kampar....
Almost get into an accident because im really tired><
Before we back,we stopped by the Sg Buloh bridge there and bought something to eat....me bought A&W!!:P
Went to see him today and acc him for lunch before i back...
All i can say....i'm really speechless...
After seeing everything, my heart broke into half again...*bleeding i can hear*
But i dun wanna write so much here and i just wanna keep it to myself....It hurts after all...thats what i can say~
Guess i should just move on already....I dun wanna give chances to hurt myself again....
I shall just leave....
I shall just keep everything as a memory....
and I will try my best to overcome it!!!
Enough and enough already...
Sleepy and tired...
Gtg sleep now...Good Night~~

Day 21

Dun feel like writing much today...
What i did today??HrmM...yeah i went Pyramid AGAIN...and TWICE today!!!swt-.-"
Afternoon went pyramid with Tze and Night time went there to watch "Phobia" with Tze,Jun Boon and my bro,William...
Dinner time accompany my family and daddy bring us to a Korean BBQ restaurant in Taipain...*lurves it*
Not going to further elaborate everything because i'm lazy today....
Maybe some other day i will if i remember!!!HAHA:))
Tomorrow gotta go back again and i dun really want to....I just dun know why everytime i have the feeling that going back there is the start of my nightmare....Maybe i just need a counselor to counsel me as well as helping me to overcome everything bah...
Dun know why i can't stop myself from.......falling....
and now i need REST!!!!

Some Photos to be shared:

Happy Birthday, Daddy!!!

~Korean BBQ Restaurant~

*yummy kim chi soup*

To be continue...Good night!!ZZzzz

Day 20

I'm back home today afternoon...

Today is daddy's birthday!!!HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY:):)

Today drive back alone again because my friend got something else to do and i'm rushing home to meet up with my ji mui Amanda!!!We went pyramid for lunch and shopping after that...

My mummy bought a "durian cake" for daddy and we helped daddy to celebrate his 49th Birthday....Me and brother bought a present for him too...Although is just a small celebration but it do means a lot to me!!!It's been some time i really spend time with them and also celebrate birthday together in my family because now i studying in Kampar and we seldom can celebrate together!!!!I feel so warm and sweet being with with them...I know i did many things that they dun like it but they still forgive me and support me....THANKS a lot to daddy and mummy!!!I Love You both Always!!!^.^

After celebrate, nothing much i did and i'm just wasting time sitting infront of my lappy and online....Chat with my friends which seldom talk and i really missed those days we always hang out together....Still remember we always go Kim Gary in Sunway like almost everyday during weekdays....LOLx....even the waiters also can recognize us and asked us "oh,you are here again..."...that time really paiseh lor....but we as the customer lar...we got our right to go there lar~~~~:D:D i seriously missed those days and how i wish the time can turned back to those days with them....Even though most of us are single but we really had a good time being together and support each other.....I still remember that time I spend almost all my time hanging around with them....I missed them....A LOT!!!!!:(:(

I dun like the current me and environment that i need to deal with....Everything is just so complicated and i'm just too weak to accept and faced it......Everything seems to be complicated the day we grow up...day by day....we need to settle many things....we need to tolerate.....we need to care....we need to love....we need everything....No matter what happen we still need to deal with it.....It's really tiring....It's really hurts....But we got no choice....We still gotta stay strong.....and me....i'm tired and can't handle it for long anymore......Everyone says i'm getting emo lately....unlike the 2 semester before.....They feel sad to see me being like that and i know i dissapointed them a lot...but they still not give up on me...they will still support me no matter what decision i make....I really appreciate....I know they treat me good....Maybe i'm the stubborn type of person who did not like to listen to ppl's advice....I choose my own way to go....and all i hope is support from them.....I know they will be there for me....*thanks guys*

Wondering what happen on me being so moody every night.....I just can't describe the feeling when i'm alone in them room or when i'm in front of my lappy...Every time when i see my lappy....i will start to think of those days....which until now i still not brave enough to faced it......T.T......i really dun know how long this time i will take....i'm helpless....i'm scare.....I wish there are someone who is there for me....I suddenly feel myself being so weak and not as strong as those days.....Everytime i will easily get hurt or moody when i saw something that i cannot accept or know something that i dun willing to know.....I know it is really none of my business....but i just can't help myself from crying.....My tears couldn't stop and i wish he know it....but the more i cried...He will still remain in his place and continue with his life.....He didn't want to know what happen on me....I have no right to force him from knowing but I'm out of ways to let him know that i actually want the love and care from him so badly....I guess this is the second time i fall deeply....and it really hard for me to pull myself back in this short time.....T.T......

My heart is bleeding....

I wish i'm still the one for you....

I hope you are still the one I looking for.....

I know it's hard....

I think i gonna break down soon.....

I just need you beside me

until 

I learn how to walk out myself one day......

Enough for today...Nights....

Day 19

Today is Kelly's funeral and i couldn't attend....Again, i wanna say that she will always in my heart no matter where she is now...


Finally today pass up my proposal for FYP to my supervisor and she is agree with everything that i going to do...Now i need to complete Chapter 1 before the end of semester.....*stress stress*....the problem is i dun know how to start and i haven't found any article or journal which is related to my Research Question...ZzzzZz...


Next week got 2 mid term but i got no mood to start my revision yet...><"...going back tomorrow and i just hope i can concentrate on my studies this weekend!!! This weekend all my close friends are not free and most of them are having examination in their University....So i guess i gonna be a good girl and stay at home accompany my Parents!!!HaihzZ....a little weird.....but i gotta used to it because things will turn back like a year before when i was single~~~No worries i guess....all i need is just time to overcome it....


Went for dinner with Yee Ying and the other friends...then later went to Ipoh for supper....Kinda tired already but i still dun feel like sleeping yet....Tomorrow gotta drive back to Subang.....and I can't wait to meet with Amanda and have lunch with her!!!!I really need to thanks for for accompany me always when i'm back in Subang....:):)

To a friend of mine....I really dun know how to answer the question that you been asked me for so long....For now, i'm just want to concentrate on my studies and i dun wan to think of any other problems.....Pls dun annoy me and force me to accept anything that i dun wish to be....and Yes, he is still important to me and I still believe in him even though there's so many things happened lately....You may say that i'm stupid but this is the way why i love him a lot....For now, nobody can replace him even though me and him might not have the chance again!!!!!Sorry for hurting and I know it really hurts and I'm being such an evil/devil???Sorry is the only word i can say to you because i dun wanna hurt you again and again....I still have faith in him because i dun want to give up this relationship so easily.....*Sorry*

Btw,sleepy already...Good night and i'm counting the hours to go home!!!HuRRAY!!!!!:D

Day 18

Today i suddenly awake by a bad dream....It's looks real in life and luckily when i jump up in the morning i realize it was just a dream!!!and I woke up kinda late and forget to call him in the morning to wake him up to work...*sorry*


When i wake up, it was already 8.30am...I dun feel well because my back bone is very pain and i couldn't move much because its really PAIN!!!i suffer from that around 1 hour and too bad my roommate went to class and i dunno who to contact....So, i continue lying on the bed until i feel better....I suppose to meet wif Yee Ying at 9am in her house because she's back to Kampar and she is going to Kelly's funeral.....I'm sorry that i'm late to meet her...Then, when i am ready to go to her house,i took my Vitamin C in a rush and unfortunately i accidentally slip the bottle and it was dropped on the floor and broke!!!T.T....UuuhHh....i gotta clean the floor before i go over...><"


Meet Yee Ying today and i can see her eyes are still red and i know she didn't have a good rest these few days....Heartache to see her like that but i can also understand her feeling...that's why i didn't mention much or ask much....I know she is trying to be strong...and I hope she will!!:)...Then we chit-chat awhile then she went to see her boyfriend and we then go to lunch before our class....I feel a little upset because i didn't get to attend her funeral!!!I'm really sorry....:(:(


Kinda busy all day long....got no time to rest or do other things....but my mind keep thinking of her and worrying about Yee Ying and also missing him...I couldn't concentrate honestly....Did a few mistake and luckily nothing big deal....I know i should stop thinking...but i tried hard too....


Too many things to be mention but i'm lazy now....will be continue tomorrow and gotta go sleep now....Hope her funeral will be smooth tomorrow and I'm sorry for not attending!!!!!*I miss you,Kelly*
ps : just can't stop thinking of you in my mind
pss : i'm worry about you...Yee Ying...

Day 17

Woke up late today and i missed my 1st class of tutorial for this semester...><"....Felt so tired this morning because I didn't have enough rest for the day before...So, i decided to skipped Ms.Sim tutorial class.....


Nothing special happened today and many people seems to back to normal again....some still not in a good mood but some is already better than before.....For me, i still feel confuse because i still wondering am i dreaming or i'm in reality???:S:S...maybe because i had a bad dream last night...thats why think a little too much today~~


Today i decided not to attend her funeral because i have lots of things waiting for me to be done...T.T...well, i'm sorry about that and i know she will know about it!!!She will forgive me,right???Life still go on but she will always in my heart no matter what is going on later.....I should have learn to be more optimistic and acceptance about this news now and go on with my life!!!!*Sorry KELLY that i will not attend your funeral...hope you can forgive me and understand me!!and I know you surely will and I hope you will rest in peace*


Am really tired today but couldn't have a nice sleep....Thinking of too many things....especially her and "him"....No respond from him today and I know this time I'm also thinking and hoping too much already....Well, I should know that is the ending right...is just the matter that i dun want to accept and faced it.....Although a little unhappy because of him, but I know i can blame no one and I still gotta be brave and face things that coming to me.....Thank you for not giving any hope to me and I can understand what you are doing now....I'm just no one....



Lastly, gotta go to bed now and it's almost 4am in the morning.....Gotta wake up early for revision later.....Good night!!!!

Day 16

Today is Monday and everyone seems to have a moody mood when i stepped into the Uni....Everyone seems quiet today and didn't talk much....Me also not really feeling well because never sleep for the whole night and almost fall asleep in class!!!:S:S


After class, we have planned a memorial session for the 3 of them in Westlake Basketball Court!!!The time is 9pm-11pm...many of the 3 victim's friends come and pray and give tribute to them....this is all the best we can do for the 3 of them!!!!The 1 minute silent time really meant a lot to me....I did refresh back all things over and over again...From the 1st day i step into this Uni in Kampar and the 1st friend i know is her,Kelly....I still can remember how we know each other and how we get along together and become friends after that.....I can't imagine that she is leaving us and i gotta accept the fact that she is no longer with us now!!!T.T....I can see tears from most of them....even though there are some of them remain silent...but i  can still feel they are upset about accepting the fact that this is a truth!!!


We did our best in this memorial session and hopefully 3 of them will rest in piece....I still thinking wanna attend the funeral in Kedah on Wednesday anot but due to exam and assignment due date next week...i think i gonna think again....somemore this week i'm going back home and i scare i have no time to do my assignment!!!T.T...however, i really wish to go....and i really hope i can make it!!!!My dear friend, you will always be remembered!!!!!!!!We'll miss you all the time....


After back home, i had a shock when i was online-ing in the room.....I realize the clock in my lappy and it's 12am of 3/11/2009....My mind gone blank again.....I...can feel that my heart wants me to be strong again but I failed!!!!I still not giving up and I still cannot forget him at all!!!!!!I miss him....A LOT!!!!and today will be our 10th Month Anniversary....Unfortunately, this will only keep in my heart because my dream will never come true anymore....This is the 3rd week and I still couldn't forget every moment we had been together....The sad and happy moment......everything is in my memory and i can clearly see the picture of it....T.T...I wish i have the chance to say this again to him.....and Yes i'm selfish that i want to let him know that how much i will miss him and no matter what i still wants to believe in him!!!!!Dear,Happy Anniversary...Even you are far apart....I still be there for you always!!!!


Time to sleep and i think i need to sleep tonight....If not i guess i will be getting sick again....My back hurts and pain...and i couldn't have a nice sleep!!!T.T...Good night!!!!

ps: Kelly, i really regret that i couldn't have the lunch that day with you....I'm really sorry about the late reply!!!
pss : Dear, pls take good care of yourself even though you are very busy....I'm just there for you when you need me...
psss: Yee Ying, pls pls pls take more rest and take care yourself and stay strong!!!!You still need to attend Kelly's funeral...so dun fall sick okay????I'm sure she will not like to see you to be in this condition now....Take care...

Day 15

今天想用华语写下我的心情...


今早起来...就和我一位新加坡的朋友webcam...好久都没有和他聊天了.....感觉很舒服.....那么久没有见他,他依然没什么变化...而我就.....肥了很多咯!!!!><"


这两天都没有什么心情做我的功课,而且还浪费了很多时间在睡觉....不知道为什么啦....无论睡多少还是觉得很累....整个人也变得很懒惰....Arghhhhhhhh!!!!再这样下去,我真的会很惨~~~


原本今天很开心的...因为"你"....让我充满了信心去做我该做的事情....和你对话真的让我的心情轻松下来....如果每一天都可以那样,那该多好???我知道我要求太多了....我知道我不应该期望那么高....我知道我不能再这样依赖你....可是我就是做不到....我害怕....我害怕一个人面对事情....我害怕一个人生活....我害怕没有你的日子我应该怎么过....我期待每一天你都会和我讲话...我期待你会回来找我....我知道我还是想太多了....没办法....我不能骗自己的感情....因为我还很在乎你.....这一切虽然你不想知道...可是我就是那么自私的想让你知道!!!!*对不起!!*


怎知....


老天爷和我门开了一个大笑....!!


竟然...今天在金宝发生瀑布溺死的UTAR生...其中一位是我认识的!!!!T.T....我不知道应该怎么接受这事实....天啊!!!为什么是她???为什么是她啊??????T.T.....我很后悔....后悔为什么昨天她约我陪她去吃午餐...而我那么迟才看到她的msg????.....我连她最后一脸都不能见了.....很伤心...真的很难过....那么漂亮善良的女生....老天爷为什么那么残忍把她和我们分开???? 我真的受了很大的打击....今年可是我遇到的第几宗死亡事件了....T.T....爷爷心脏病过世....叔公心脏病去世...朋友车祸意外去世...现在又.....


无论如何,希望上帝保佑这么可爱又善良的女生---游斯雲....我们会永远记得你!!!愿你在另一个地方也能过得去那么开心!!!!We'll miss you, Kelly Yew Shy Gin!!!!

R.I.P my dear friend....Kelly.....

In memory of Kelly Yew Shy Gin (1988-2009)



*this is the news about the incident happens in Kampar Batu Berangkai Waterfall*
http://www.chinapress.com.my/content_new.asp?dt=2009-11-02&sec=malaysia&art=1102mb30.txt