Seriously, I am thinking too much....

Of all the things that happened recently.....I guess I am thinking really too much! :(
I dun know is this a good or bad things.... It only seems that things that happened really makes me confused!
I guess this time is too over and too much already....I know I am confused of what action and decision that had been done.... It's been years....And I guess I am the only stupid one who still keeps all the memories and still waiting for hopes and chances in life.... I do feel how hurts to know to truth....I do feel how hurts can one lies and I still need to pretend everything.... BUT I just can't stop myself from doing all the dumb things..... How sad it can be if I am going to tell any one of them out there...... >.<
I remember I promised myself not to cry and tears anymore because of that incident.... Yet, I failed to do that!!!!! I am just so useless!!!!! What's wrong on me??? What is the heck of me being trapped for so long???
Is leaving this place a wise choice for me??? I dun know.... I am really worried...... and I think I had disappointed most of them again this time! I dun know....I dun know what can I do.... I dun want things to turn worst....Can it be better after this????????????????? I really tried hard to make myself busy and occupied my time with friends and do whatever I like.... I think I am really lost control of stopping all these to happen already!!!! :( What can I really do now?????????????
It's 4.30am in the morning and I am not on the bed yet.... INSOMNIA again!!!!!CRAPPPP~~~~~ I can't sleep!!!! I couldn't keep my eyes off and sleep!!!!! Besides, I had also nightmares for few night already!!!!!OMG~~~~~~ What can I do to keep myself have a better sleep at night?????? T.T
I know it's too much crap and bullshit here....yet sincerely....I really want to THANK YOU to someone who can still brighten up my day no matter how bad my day or the unhappy things on me! I guess that so far there's no one who can really cheer me up besides U! :( I appreciate it alot! :)